Prime Time Convention Speech Uses McCain's Keys!

I can't divulge how I got my hands on this, but what follows is a portion of one of the prime time convention speeches that picks up on joeyess' fantastic idea of the jingling McCain keys.

I think you'll be thrilled how *unbelievably* quickly this was picked up full force by the party and how much they're running with it. Joe Biden's McCain house jab on Saturday is just the beginning.

Speech below the fold (supporting links have been edited in by me):

Before I finish, I want to send out a message of compassion to Republican John McCain. Please hear me out. I know most of you out there in the convention hall and watching at home have concerns about balancing your family budget, dealing with unanticipated medical bills you have no coverage for, and keeping current on your mortgage payment or rent, and you blame John McCain for not lifting a finger to do anything about it and suggesting this bad news is just all in our heads.

But rather than blaming him, I think we should rather show him our compassion for his hardships. We ought to put ourselves in his expensive shoes and see what it's like before we criticize him.

To do this, I'd like everyone to pull out their keys right now and just hold them up. You probably have around 6 or 7 keys on there, one for your house or apartment, one for your car, your office, your bike lock, and so forth. But for a moment, I'd like you to imagine that every key on there is to a separate house that you own. I know that will take a really good imagination to do, but I'd like you to try anyways; we need to do this to understand the world John McCain lives in.

Everybody give your keys a good shake so we can hear all those house keys. [PAUSE FOR JINGLES]

That's a lot to keep track of. You know, people criticized John McCain for not paying property taxes on one of his houses for four years and only doing so when a media outlet asked him about it - but he wasn't trying to cheat on his his taxes - he just forgot about that house. Like him, I'm sure you would have trouble keeping track of all those houses too. We need to sympathize with his situation. Let's give those keys another jingle in sypathy for John McCain. [PAUSE FOR JINGLES]

Also, consider John McCain's burden in taking care of his multiple houses. Unlike you, John McCain has full-time servants who take care of his houses, and that is monumentally expensive. In 2007, he paid $273,000 for house servants to look after his 7 houses - that's a lot of money! Once again, let's jingle in sympathy for the hardships of John McCain. [PAUSE]

Finally, Americans have attacked John McCain for being out of touch on economic issues - they mention the time he told American workers that none of them would ever consider a wage of only $50/hour to work the fields picking produce - they say no sane person would ever suggest that Americans would decide to pass up $100,000 a year jobs.

His critics also bring up that he claims the fundamentals of the American economy are strong despite all the layoffs and home foreclosures. But, again, we must consider John McCain's situation.

If your concerns were figuring out how many houses you own, or what fancy car you drive - don't you think you would have a hard time relating to the lives of everyday Americans too?

One last time - let's jingle those keys in sympathy for John McCain's situation. [PAUSE]

I don't know which of one of his houses he's at right now, but whereever he is, I trust he appreciates the compassion we're feeling for him tonight.

Thank you.

Zing!

[editor's note: some updating was done to add in links and with some wording from the original posting.]